Left with his Thoughts
by csincisfan01
Summary: Josh reflects on the events of Rosslyn, 1 year after the shooting. This is an AU story. Hope you all enjoy.


A/N : Hi everyone, first I want to thank everyone that has reviewed and read, A State Dinner, A Lockdown and A Surprise ! I am working on the rest of that story and will update soon. Anyway here's a little one shot that popped into my head the other night…Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own The West Wing or the characters, ( I just like to barrow them from time to time ) All I own are the DVD's a few West Wing books, and my pictures signed to me from the cast….

* * *

Josh Lyman stormed into his office; it had been one of those days, where you just wanted to make it thru the day and leave. Everyone he had encountered so far during the day had asked him" how he was holding up "or "this must be a hard day for you" he just wanted to do his damn job and go on about his life. Josh for the most part had made peace with the events; he had everything that any man could ask for. A wonderful wife, a baby son, and his dream job. He just wished that people would stop making him relive that night; he was alone with his thoughts when the knocking on the door started.

"It's open, just walk on in." he bellowed

Sam opened the door and walked inside, to find Josh behind his desk stirring out the window. He turned his chair around to see who had entered his office.

"What can I do for you Sam?"

"Just wanted to see if you're up to grabbing a beer later?"

Josh stood and ran his hand thru his hair…. "Umm…you know thanks for the offer, but not tonight, I don't feel up to it…"

"Sure Josh! Rain check than? "

"Ummm….ya , that's fine. Another night is great."

"Anything you want to talk about Josh, I mean…I don't mean to push or anything you just seem a little lost in thought."

Josh let out breath, and walked around to the front of his desk; shoving his hands in his pockets.

"It's just so…hard sometimes…some days I think I'm past it all, and other days, It's fresh in my mind. Like today, I just try to think about the one positive moment in that whole night, when I woke up in that room. Donna was there… she had been crying, I could tell by looking in her eyes, but there was something else there, she was happy and scared all at the same time. I squeezed her hand to make her look at me. … ( Josh looked up at the celling and let out a breath ) I…needed her to look at me…I needed her to know that I was alive and I was not going to leave her alone….Than she…she took my hand and placed it on her abdomen, and she smiled…I knew Sam, I just knew at that moment …I had a new reason to live, to fight.." Josh brushed the tears off his face.

Sam stood and patted Josh on the back.

"And that you did, my friend, just like you always do. That's why you're known as Bartlett's Bulldog."

Josh laughed, "Well ya…I do like to scare Senators a little! You know Sam, thanks for listening." Josh said as he patted Sam on the shoulder. "It's late, think I'll check out for the night. See ya tomorrow Sam."

"Ya see Josh." Sam left Josh's office and headed back to the commutations bullpen.

Josh gathered up his stuff and headed out of his office for the night, He told Ed and Larry, goodnight before heading towards the lobby and out to his car.

* * *

The drive from The White house to Georgetown, seemed to go faster than normal maybe due to lack of traffic at the late hour. Or maybe it was cause Josh really did just want to get home. But before he realized it he was at his brownstone. He grabbed his backpack and headed out of the car and up the stairs to his apartment. He unlocked the door, and walked in only to find the living room and hall lights turned off. He dropped his backpack beside the door and headed into the kitchen, he opened the frig grabbed a water, he noticed a wrapped plate with a note.

_**Joshua,  
I wasn't sure what time you would be home, (since when I called you didn't answer)  
so I just left you a plate in here.**_

_**Love you,  
Donna**_

Josh smiled, that was his Donnatella, always thinking ahead. He closed the frig door and headed out of the kitchen, down the hall to his and Donna's room. He opened the door to find her sitting up in bed feeding Noah. Donna looked up when she heard the door open. Josh walked over to Donna, he leaned down and gave her a kiss, and he patted his son on his little head. He moved around to his side of the bed, and sat down taking off his cloths.

"So how was your day?" Donna asked, as she watched Josh change into his boxers and tshirt.

"About as normal, I spent most of the day staffing The President. You know how that goes, in and out of the oval all day."

"Ahhh, so nothing eventful happen right?"

"Define eventful Donnatella? You mean like setting The West Wing on fire eventful? If that's the case than no, nothing eventful happen."

"No I mean…like no reminders of the thing Joshua."

Josh rubbed his hand over his tired face, and let out a breath. "You know I really don't need people to remind me that I was shot a year ago today, I have the damn scar and bullet hole as a reminder of that, you of all people should know."

Donna got up off the bed and walked over to the bassinet in the corner of their bedroom. She placed baby Noah inside. Then she walked back over to Josh, she stood in front of him taking his face in her hands.

"Look at me Josh, I do know that, I was there at the hospital, I was here during that summer, and I'm still here Josh. I love you, the only reason I asked was out of concern and love for you. I don't want people to remind you, I want people to just let you be your normal Joshie self… And cause I can't be there right now I worry that people will, get to you and bring up the PTSD, and I don't want that for you."

"Normal Joshie self…really Donna…" Josh looked at Donna and smiled, running a hand thru her silky blonde hair. He pulled her into his embrace and held her to him. Just letting her scent take over him, he then lead her over to their bed. Josh laid down and Donna followed, she placed her head on his chest and with her free arm she ran it under his shirt, lightly tracing the scar on his chest.

"You know sweetheart, something good did come out of that night, I found out about Noah, if it hadn't been for the two of you..I really don't know what would have happen to me…" Josh sighed..

"I prefer to think, that being your stubborn cocky self that you are, you would have fought to stay alive regardless just to make my life hell!"

"Gee thanks for that ego stroking there , I really needed that…"

Donna laughed and lend up and kissed Josh, "Now shut up, I need sleep…your son likes to wake up at odd hours of the night, just like his father does."

"Hey there is nothing wrong with that, I get my best ideas in the middle of the night."

"Sure you do…now go to sleep."

Josh closed his eyes and tried to settle his mind down, sleep would come at some point but for now. Josh was left with his thoughts.


End file.
